Would You Care to Give Me Attention, Please?
by MaggieBee21
Summary: "Would you care to stop pushing me, please?" "Would you care to give me attention, please?" A collection of Bade oneshots.
1. Attention

**AN: So, here's a little oneshot that randomly popped up in my head a few days ago. It's all dialogue, so I hope there'll be no misunderstandings. The three little points (…) are when someone either doesn't say anything, or does something besides talking.**

**Anyway, Beck and Jade are in Beck's RV, Beck is completely focused on a project he has to do 'til Monday. Jade tries to get his attention. Enjoy!**

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Hey."

…

"Beck?"

…

"Hello?"

….

"Am I invisible?"

"Would you care to stop pushing me, please?"

"Would you care to give me attention, please?"

"Jade, you know I have to be done with this project on Monday."

"Yeah, but that's no reason to ignore me."

…

"Don't sigh like I'm extremely annoying!"

"You kind of are."

"Excuse me?"

"Jade, you know I didn't mean…"

"Are you serious?"

"Could you please calm…"

"I don't believe it!"

"Jade…"

"If I'm so annoying I should probably leave!"

"Whatever you want."

…

"Still here?"

…

"You're so cute when you're pouting."

…

"Ouch, no need to hit me!"

"I'm _not _cute!"

"Of course not."

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"I'd never dare to."

"I hate you."

"Love you too, babe."

"You're such a sap."

"Aw, I know you love me too, just admit it."

"Don't poke me."

"I'll stop when you say that you love me."

"Idiot."

"Jade is cuuute, Jade is cuuute, Jade is…"

"For God's sake, I love you, okay? Just stop your singsong and don't poke me!"

"Ha."

"What 'Ha'?"

"I won."

"Yeah, suuuure."

"And your voice is dripping with sarcasm…"

"It always is."

"Yeah, I've kinda gotten used to that."

"Good."

...

…

"I should really finish this project."

"Seriously? You start kissing me like that and then you just go back to work like nothing has happened? You're a fucking tease."

"Love you too."

"Stop saying that! Did you even hear what I just said?"

"Mhm."

"And what did I say?"

"Mhm."

"Argh!"

"Jade, what…?"

…

"And… now you're in my lap."

"Yup."

…

"Why are you chuckling?"

"I'd better not say. You're going to hit me again."

"Beck seriously, it's not funny anymore, when I have to do a striptease to get you attention!"

…

…

"…Would you do that?"

…

"Damn it, stop hitting me! You have serious violence issues!"

"And you're a pervert!"

"I am a pervert, because I think my girlfriend is extremely stunning and sexy?"

…

"Please don't hit me."

"I'm thinking about it."

"I'm relieved."

"You better be. I'm not always this considerate."

"I know babe, I know."

"Could you put your laptop away now and kiss me again?"

"How could I resist you?"

…

…

"Stop glancing at your laptop."

"I'm not!"

"Don't even try to deny it."

"Jade, you really wanna fight now?"

"That's not fighting, that's simple arguing."

"Yeah you're right. You're not hitting me."

"You want me to?"

"Since when are you asking that?"

"Ever considered that I might care about you?"

"Well, yes, but the two bruises you've left on my arms a few minutes ago make me doubt it a little."

"You're such a wimp."

"That's not nice, Jadey."

"Don't call me Jadey!"

"Why not? It's a cute nickname and it distracts from the fact that it gives you pleasure to hurt other people."

"Nobody needs to be distracted from that. No one bothers me, when they're afraid of me."

"I still bother you."

"Yes, you do."

"I've never been afraid of you."

"Sadly, no."

"I accept all the physical pain, so I can be with you."

"Don't get corny."

"You like it when I'm corny. Don't even try to hide it. You're a sentimental person deep inside."

"Yeah, sure. And one day I'll be great friends with Vega."

"She has a name."

"I know, Vega. That's what I'm calling her."

"No, I mean a first name."

"She fucking doesn't deserve a first name."

"Why are you always so mean to Tori?"

"Um, let's think…. maybe because she kissed you? And obviously has a crush on you?"

"Tori doesn't have a crush on me!"

"Are you blind or just stupid?"

"Neither, as far as I can assess this."

"Can we change the subject?"

"You started it!"

"I don't care who started it, I wanna change it!"

"Fine, what do you wanna do?"

"What would you say if I knew a good way to distract you from your stupid project?"

"Were you serious about the striptease?"

…

"Joke, joke, no need for brutality, please spare me!"

"You're stupid."

"I should make a list of how often you insult me a day."

"That'd be a long list."

"I know."

…

"You're in my lap again."

"Wanna complain?"

"Not at all."

"Good."

"I love you."

"I appreciate it."

"You're cute."

"Shut up."

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Well, I originally wanted this to be longer, but whatever. I hoped you liked it! Please review!**

**xoxo **xJustAnotherGurlx****


	2. Parents

**AN: So, because some of you wanted me to write more of this, and the new chapter of my other story, 'Like a Broken Mirror' (if you haven't read that yet, you should!), drags like forever, I decided to write this little Bade conversation. :] Enjoy!**

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Was that really necessary, Jade?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

"I have no clue, my dear boyfriend."

…

"What's up with those sighs? You wanna signalize something?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Drop the sarcasm."

"So you're allowed to be sarcastic with almost everything you say, but if I allow one word to leave my lips with only a hint of sarcasm, I get attacked?"

"Exactly."

"We still haven't spoken about what has just happened ten minutes ago."

"Why should we?"

"Because I want to."

"That's no good reason."

"Then can you tell me a good reason for being rude to my parents?"

"I haven't been rude to your parents; I've been rude to your mother."

"What's the difference?"

"I don't wanna lump her together with your Dad."

"What's that supposed to mean now?"

"I know your sight must be a bit blurred, because she was most likely the woman, who gave birth to you sixteen years ago, but…"

"Most likely?"

"Let me finish."

"Ok, go on."

"But in contrast to your Dad she's a heartless bitch."

"How the hell can you say that?"

"Because it's true! Have you heard how she talks to me? Like I'm only seconds away from jumping off a cliff or attempting suicide in any other kind!"

"Well… maybe she's concerned about you?"

" Suuuure. I think she'd actually appreciate it when it comes to an end with my life."

...

"What? Why are you staring at me?"

"Most likely?"

"Well, I still can't believe this woman is related to you."

"Did you just say something nice?"

"I insulted your mother!"

"Yeah, but in a really weird way you were nice to _me._"

"Why shouldn't I be nice to you?"

"Usually you punch me."

"I never punch you hard."

"Yes you do!"

"You're a wimp."

"And you're rude."

"Yup, I am."

"I love you though."

"You better do."

"So just for the record, my Mum is heartless, but what's about my Dad?"

"I like him."

"That's kinda relieving."

"He reminds me of you."

"…I don't know what to say right now."

"I mean he has always been okay with the way I am. Most grown-ups think I'm either dangerous or suicidal."

…

"That's not funny!"

"Of course not, but I always thought you didn't care what others think about you."

"I don't. It's just not very amusing, when people deal with you like you could grab the next best knife anytime and stab yourself."

"I never knew you had a problem with that."

"We learn new things every day, don't we?"

"I sometimes feel like I'm learning new things about you every half an hour."

…

"Your lips taste like coffee."

"They always do."

"I know, just wanted to point it out."

"You're so weird."

"But you're still with me."

"Yeah, sometimes I ask myself why."

"Because you love me?"

…

"Aw, you nodded!"

"I didn't, I was trying to shake my head because of your sappiness."

"Yeah, sure."

"Haven't we talked about the use of sarcasm just minutes ago?"

"You're allowed to use it, I'm not."

"Good boy."

…

…

"Mmh, I think I'll eliminate the word sarcasm from my vocabulary, if I get kissed like that."

"You know what? I'm going to train you. Whenever you do something that pleases me, you get a kiss. Deal?"

"When have I ever done something that doesn't please you?"

…

"Don't look at me like that."

"Fine, you are always sweet and nice, and I'm a vicious bitch. Satisfied?"

"What the hell are you talking about now?"

"Well, you're always lollipops and candy, and no matter how possessive or mean I behave, you're always so understanding and caring, and I'm obviously not. Can we talk about something else now?"

"I honestly still don't know why you're actually talking about this, I never said a word about…"

"I don't care."

"Did we really just have such a conversation? Cause that was extremely weird, even for you."

"Shut up now."

"I don't wanna get too personal, but are you PMS-ing?"

…

"If looks could kill…"

"I don't think that has to interest you."

"Well, you could at least warn me. Then I'd keep my parents or other people, you could possibly insult, away from you."

"Why do you always have to bring up again what has happened between me and your mother?"

"It's kinda funny."

"No, it isn't."

"Yes, it is. I mean, your mother isn't nice to me either, but I don't start fighting with her about some silly thing."

"My Mum doesn't count, she's mean to everybody, who doesn't fuck her. And even to those she's mean sometimes."

"I don't need any more details."

"You think I need them? I'm just happy when she isn't home."

"You wanna argue about who has the worse parents?"

"No need to argue, we both know I'd win."

"I thought my Mum is so horrible? That's at least what you've told her, when not in these exact, nice words."

"Your Dad makes up for that."

"And your Dad doesn't?"

"You don't even know him."

"That's why I'm asking."

"He's an ass."

"Good to know."

"I feel like I have the most screwed up family you could ever imagine."

"I wouldn't say that. There's always someone who has it worse than you."

"You're a freaking optimist."

"Opposites attract."

"So you're saying I'm a pessimist?"

"You're definitely not an optimist, are you?"

"Yeah, you're right, just wanted to test you."

"And you call me weird…"

"We're both not completely normal. Would be kinda boring, if we were."

"And we both know how easily you get bored, my dear."

"I'm not dear."

"Sweetie?"

"Say that again and there'll be an axe down your throat."

"Darling?"

"I swear I'm going to break every single one of our bones."

"Honey?"

"You wanna die?"

"You know what, I like my throat and my bones, so I'm gonna call you Jade until I found something better."

"And I'm going to call you Aladdin."

"Oh God…"

.

.

.

**So what did you think? Like it, hate it? Please review!**

**xoxo xJustAnotherGurlx**


	3. Food

**AN: So, since I'm trying to catch up to my old stories, here's an update on this one for you guys. :D I know it's been forever since the last chapter was posted, but whatever. Those are only random oneshots anyway. **

**.**

**.**

**.**

"Italian?"

"Nooo, I had Pizza just two days ago."

"Italian food does not only consist of Pizza, Jade."

"Why can't we get Chinese?"

"Cause I'm not really fond of it… Mexican?"

"Oh god, _please _not. Thai food?"

"Isn't that the same as Chinese?"

"Not a clue, but if it was the same, why would there be two terms?"

"That's a point."

"So we're getting Thai food?"

"…No."

"Jesus, Beck, just decide on something."

"I already suggested Italian and Mexican!"

"You're supposed to decide on something _I _suggested."

"Of course."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

…

"What?"

"I think you're spending too much time with Cat."

"Oh come on, you're happy when you don't have to deal with me for a day. Just admit it."

"What? No! I love having you around."

…

"What?"

"That's what I wanted to hear."

"I know; that's why I said it."

"Oh, so now you're only saying things I wanna hear and not what you really think?"

"What, no, I never said…"

"Yeah, you did!"

"Okay, I kinda did, but you got that the wrong way…"

"See, you even admit it!"

"I told you that you got it the wrong way, let's just forget it."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes, okay. Four letters. Rhymes with play. Mostly used to express approval."

"I know, but usually you don't just agree with me when we're starting to argue, you…"

"I'm not good at arguing when I'm hungry!"

"I could cook..."

…

"What?"

"Please tell me you weren't serious."

"I was, why?"

"Beck, you can't cook."

"Now that's mean…"

"But true! Remember when you tried to make lasagna?"

"That's not fair, how was I supposed to know when to take that damn thing out of the oven?"

"Or when you tried to make pizza…"

"That wasn't my fault either."

"Yeah, it's totally the fault of the pizza company, they only write on the package when to take it out. They should've sent you a memo or something."

"Sarcasm hurts, Jadelyn."

"Just accept the fact that you are not able to cook without burning everything."

"You could help me with that."

…

"Don't sigh."

"Okay, it's worth a try."

.*.

*.*

"Told you so."

"You said you'd help me!"

"I tried to."

"No, you didn't, you were in the living room watching Toddlers & Tiaras!"

"It's not my fault that overweight mothers and their crying children are so entertaining."

"What are we gonna do now?"

"Well, for the beginning we could throw that away… What's that supposed to be anyway?"

"Mac and cheese…"

"Ew."

"It's a bit burned."

"I can see that."

"Don't be mean, at least I tried. Unlike you."

"Alright then, I'll make toast."

"Seriously?"

"What do you mean 'seriously'?"

"You never cook, you say it's stupid."

"Yeah, it is, but watching you cook is nerve-wracking, so I have to set priorities."

"Fine, have fun; I'll be in the living room watching unnecessary reality shows."

"You're just gonna leave me here?"

"You did too!"

"So what?"

"What about equality?"

"Screw that."

"Not much of a feminist, are we?"

"Oh, yeah I am, but I think women should have more privileges than men."

"Why that?"

"Well, most importantly, we are the ones who are forced to give birth to the next generation, which I think, is incredibly unfair."

"Nobody forces you to have kids."

"If you say that to every woman, the human race is gonna die out soon."

"So you think women only have kids to make sure there's a 'next generation'?

"I don't see any other reason for it."

"Maybe they want to have a family?"

"Yeah, sure."

"You're telling me you never want kids?"

"Don't you think it's kinda weird discussing this, standing in the middle of your parents' kitchen?"

"Don't avoid my question."

"I never want kids."

"Liar."

"What?"

"You're lying, I can see it."

"I'm not, I hate children, they're all loud, dirty and annoying."

"Oh come on, I know you love those little creatures."

"Why should I?"

"Jade with tots?"

"I'm not even being nice to those!"

"Doesn't matter, you're still talking to them. You can't hate them as much as you're saying."

"Okay, maybe I wouldn't mind having one kid. Or two."

"Ha, I knew it."

"How did we come up with this topic anyway?"

"No clue, didn't you want to make toast?"

"You don't deserve any toast."

"What? Why not?"

"You're being stupid, and I'm too lazy to cook."

"How am I being stupid?"

"The whole 'do you want kids' thing? What was that about?"

"I don't know, I'm hungry!"

"Well, I'm not cooking!"

"Then let's finally order food."

"Fine."

…

…

"Italian?"

.

.

.

**AN: Okay that was kinda weird. xD**

**Beck is a bit off in this one, I've no idea why, I apologize. **

**But please review anyways and tell me what you think! Oh, and tell me if you want more of those, cause they are easy to write and I could update quite frequently.**

**xoxo MaggieBee21**


End file.
